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Englische :: Nach Datum sortieren
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:: Neuen Eintrag in dieser Kategorie


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.
- I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!
Von: esiu


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
A blonde decides to show her husband that despite what everyone says, blondes really are smart.
While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a mink. He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room.

He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what's with her wearing the two coats?
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said:
- "FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!"
Von: esiu


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
A pompous Baptist minister was seated next to an overbearing attorney on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The attorney asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "I`d rather behave like a savage and ravage a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!" The attorney handed his drink back to the attendant and told her with delight, "I didn`t know there was a choice."
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
Ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees indian sitting near his (Indian`s) house. Cowboy: Hey! Cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? Indian: Dog no talk. Cowboy: Hey, dog, how`s it goin? Dog: doin` alright. Indian: Cowboy: Is this your owner? Dog: yep. Cowboy: How`s he treat you? Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play. Indian: Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse? Indian: Horse no talk. Cowboy: Hey horse, how`s it goin? Horse: Cool. Indian: Cowboy: Is this your owner? Horse: Yep. Cowboy: How`s he treat you? Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements. Indian: Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep? Indian: Sheep lie!!
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
A woman was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time. She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate. In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time to see a doctor. Looking thru the phone book, she came upon a Chinese sex therapist named Dr. Chang. When the woman arrived, she told the doctor her symptoms, and he said, "Take off all your crothes and you crawl real fass said, "Take off all your crothes and you crawl real fass away from me across the froor". She crawled to the other side of the room and Dr.Chang said, "Now...you crawl real fass back to me", and she did. Dr. Chang shook his head and said, "you haf real bad case of Zachary Disease....worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex probrem". The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor exactly what Zachary Disease was and he replied, "Zachary Disease....that when your face look ZACHARY like your ass!"
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
A gorilla escapes from the zoo one day and runs into a suburban area, where it climbs up a tree belonging to one Mr. Jones and won`t come down. Naturally, Jones is a bit worried about the gorilla, and so calls the local gorilla exterminator. The exterminator arrives with a shotgun and a big mean doberman. "Mr. Jones, isn`t it? I hear you have a gorilla problem. Well, you see, my assistant is out sick today, and I could use your help. Can you take me to the gorilla, first of all?" Jones leads the exterminator to the tree where the gorilla is. "Okay," says the exterminator. "I`ll need you to hold the shotgun. I`m going to loose the dog, and climb up this tree. When I get to the gorilla, I`ll give the branch a good shake and he`ll come falling out of the tree. Once he does, ol` Fido here is trained to jump on the gorilla and bite good and hard into his testicles, and he`ll be helpless while I put the chains on him." "I see," says Jones. "But, then, what is the gun for?" "Oh, the gun is the most important part," says the exterminator. "If, by some chance, *I* should fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla -- SHOOT THE DOG!"
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
There were two brothers, who were identical twins. Danny was married, but Roy was single and owned a small dilapidated boat. It just so happened that on the same day that Danny`s wife died, Roy`s boat sank. A kind old lady met Roy on the street and, mistaking him for his brother Danny, said; "Oh Mr. Jones, I`m sorry to hear of your great loss. You must feel terrible." Roy said, "Well I`m not a bit sorry, she was rotten from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up, she smelled of fish the first time I got her, she made water faster than anything I ever saw. She had a big hole in the front and a big crack in the back. The hole kept getting bigger every time I used her, and one leaked all over the place. What finished her off though, was four guys from the other side of town that came looking for a good time. They asked if they could use her and I rented looking for a good time. They asked if they could use her and I rented her to them, but warned them she wasn`t too hot. But they insisted they wanted to give her a try. The result was the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once. The strain was too much for her and she cracked right down the middle." The old lady fainted...
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
A man had a deaf woman as a wife, so in order to communicate with her, he had to use sign language. They soon got quite confused whenever either of them wanted to have sex. They made up a sign of their own for the action, and then the husband explained through signing, this to her: "When I want to have sex, I will pull your left nipple one time." She nodded in understanding. "When I do not want to make love, I will pull your left nipple twice" She nodded again. "When you want to have sex, you pull my dick one time." She smiled and nodded. "But when you don`t want to have sex, pull my dick 357 times."
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You`ve been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I`m going to give you a special gift. I`m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I`ll crap on it`s head."
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
here`s a guy with a Doberman pinscher and a guy with a chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman pinscher says to the guy with a chihuahua, "Let`s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the chihuahua says, "We can`t go in there. We`ve got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed." The guy with the Doberman pinscher says, "You don`t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Doberman pinscher?" He says, "Yes, they`re using them now, they`re very good." The guy at the door says, "Come on in." The guy with the chihuahua figures, "What the hell," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the chihuahua says, "You don`t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A chihuahua?" The guy with the chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a chihuahua?"
Von: rafall_84


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