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Englische :: Nach Datum sortieren
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:: Neuen Eintrag in dieser Kategorie


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands. The first says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren`t mine!" The second says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a condom in his wallet, so I poked it full of holes with my sewing needle!" The third woman fainted...
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Billy watches, and after a couple of minutes asks, "Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?" "Of course, Son, we`re a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is where me and the mailman usually fall off!"
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
While playing golf, the man finds a corked bottle on the green. Upon opening it, a genie appears and grants the fellow one wish. After thinking about it for a while, the man says, "I`d like to shoot par golf regularly." "No problem," says the genie, "But understand that your sex life will be greatly reduced as a side effect." I can handle that," the man says, and POOF, the deed is done. Several months later, the genie reappears on the same golf hole and asks the man how his golf game is doing. "Fantastic!" says the man, "I`m now carrying a scratch handicap." "And what effect has it had on your sex life?" the genie nquires. "I still manage to have relations 2-3 times a month," the fellow answers calmly. "2-3 times a month," the genie says, "That`s not much of a sex l"2-3 times a month," the genie says, "That`s not much of a sex life." "Well," the fellow responds, "I don`t think it`s too bad for a middle-aged priest with a very small parish."
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
A man with a bad stomach complaint sees his family doctor and asks what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted into the back passage. The man agrees, although reluctantly. The doctor warns the man to expect some discomfort, and then asks him to bend over. The doctor then shoves the thing into his behind. The man experiences some minor discomfort but endures the pain. Afterwards, the doctor hands the man a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours, using rubber gloves and some KY-Jelly. Later that evening, the man tries to insert the second suppository. Sure enough, he can`t reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and explains what she has to do. The wife nods and puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him. She uses her free hand to shove the medicine home. The man suddenly screams in horror. "What`s the matter?" asks his wife. "Did I hurt you?" "No, but I just realized that the doctor had BOTH hands on my shoulders."
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I`m going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I`m going to jump off, too. The Redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I`m jumping too." Next day - the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican open his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The Redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also. At the funeral - The Irishman`s wife is weeping. She says, "If I`d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican`s wife also weeps and says "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn`t realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Redneck`s wife. "Hey, don`t look at me" she said. "He makes his own lunch!"
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
I was going down the street the other day and ran into this dirty old beggar sitting on the sidewalk. As I approached, he got up and came over to me and asked for $5 to buy breakfast. I told him," Come on friend. Let`s go over to the bar and I`ll buy you a drink". He replied, "No thanks, I don`t drink. I just want $5 for breakfast." Next I said, "Well then, how about one of my nice cigars?" He again said, "No, I don`t smoke, " Next I said, "I`ll tell you what. Let`s go to the track and take that $5 you want for breakfast and put it on a sure thing. You would have enough money to last a month." Again, he told me, " I don`t gamble. I just want breakfast." Finally I told him, "If you`ll come home with me and meet my wife, I`ll fix you the biggest breakfast you ever ate." With this his eyes lit up and he asked, "Why will you fix me a big breakfast if I come home and meet your wife." "Simple", I responded. "I want her to meet someone who doesn`t drink, smoke or gamble and show her what that can do to a man."
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
The Pope was coming over to visit Canada and when he was greeted at the airport there was a limo waiting for him. As he was getting in he asked the limo driver if he could drive instead, because being a Pope - he never got to do neat things like that. The driver said sure, after all - you can`t say no to the Pope. The Pope of course decided to have some fun and drove the limo at about 200 km/h in a 80 km/h zone and a cop spots him and pulls him over. The cop of course was very surprised when he looked inside the limo, and immediately radioed his supervisor. Cop: What should I do? I can`t ticket this guy! Supervisor: Why who is it? The Mayor? Cop: No, much more important! Supervisor: Not the mayor? Is it the Premiere? Cop: No, much more important! Supervisor: Not the Premiere? The Prime Minister? Cop: No, much much more important! Supervisor: Not the Prime Minister? Who the hell can be more important than the Prime Minister? Cop: I don`t know, but he has the Pope as his chauffeur!
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
Ray`s tennis elbow had been killing him, so when he was passing by the doctor`s office one day, he decided to stop in. The nurse told him he could see the doctor in twenty minutes, but first he had to provide a urine sample. Ray told her that was absurd for an elbow examination, but she insisted. Finally, he agreed. Later, he was ushered in to see the doctor, who said, "That tennLater, he was ushered in to see the doctor, who said, "That tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?" "The nurse told you, then?" Ray asked. "No," the doctor replied. "It`s the urinalysis." He explained that he`d purchased a new machine that could diagnose absolutely every physical condition with total accuracy. The machine cost a fortune, but it cut down on his work so much that he was able to get out on the golf course at three every afternoon. Ray didn`t believe a word. However, he did agree to provide another urine sample when he came back in for another checkup. Two weeks later, Ray was sitting at the breakfast table talking with his wife about the ridiculous machine. They decided to have some fun with the doctor. Ray pee`ed in the bottle, and so did his wife and teenage daughter. Then, as he opened the garage door, Ray had another idea. He put a few drops of crankcase oil from his car in the bottle, then beat off and added a few drops of semen. Then he shook up the bottle, drove to the doctor and handed the bottle to the nurse. This time the analysis took an entire hour. When Ray sat down, the doctor looked at him and said, "All right, wise guy. I`ve got some bad news for you. Your daughter`s pregnant, your wife`s got V.D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don`t stop beating off, that tennis elbow is never going to heal."
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
A boy who had just turned sixteen went to his father and asked him since he was old enough to drive, could he get a car. The father thought about it, and I`ll make a deal with you! If you read your bible more and cut your hair, then I`ll get you a car. The son agreed and went his way. A couple of weeks later, the son approached the father and said "you know, Dad, I`ve been reading the bible like you`ve asked me to and says here that Jesus had long hair too." The father replied to the son, "Yeah, but Jesus also walked everywhere he went!..."
Von: rafall_84


Aktuelle Bewertung: -
A recent Italian immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Italian stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Italian, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Italian stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarassment whispers, "He doesn`t have to run, he`s got four balls." After this explanation the Italian stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walka with pr-r-ride man!
Von: rafall_84


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